Sunday, December 9, 2012

you know how lovers shed, yeah


i went to class
i pulled your hair from my hair

my beard was the pocket of a clown 
tear drops not found (none hit the ground)

you stuck your fingers right in
looking for some water
and you create a fist
you held too tight
asking if it hurts and 
i said 

"i can't feel this
i can't feel this
i can't feel this
i can't feel this"

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

that poem about that one thing


i asked if you thought it was weird
that all we could hear was the sound of that radiator
you told me that it wasn't strange
to not know what to say 

the spoons and bowls are ringing 
as they scrape together for breakfast
"never waste the cereal"
even though it's really stale 

i could barely choke it down
i needed milk but almost drown
and i looked to you and said it's weird
that conversation disappears 

you told me silence was louder than you -
that you never sold me on the thought of you
but louder than the radiator 
was the bowl that fell and fought that silence 

i wasn't sure if i believe you 
(i said) "i need to sweep up the glass"
(i said) "i cut my feet upon the ground" 
(you said) "stop crying the cut is not that bad" 

i said
i'm crying over spilt milk 

i couldn't care about my bleeding
toes that made a bigger mess
the silence seemed so calming then
but retrospect is always late

you asked me what all of this means
i said
i don't know

Sunday, November 4, 2012

i got whiplash 
from falling to fastt
there's a flaggpole 
lodgedd in a ventricle

th e flags at half-mast
she's fallingg too fast
she's fallin g too fast
why couldnt she lastt

thee flags at half-mast
i'mfalling too fast
i'm f alling to o fast
im faling so fas t

 heartss failing so fa st shes burning too fast lungs yearninng so vast she's dyying so fast tear s crawling so fast i'm fallin g so fast i'm calling at lastt i missyou s o bad please just come back youll never comeback i miss you so bad i miss you so bad

imf alling too. fast.///

Friday, October 26, 2012

the fourth wall

and it doesn't matter
how hard you throw your fist
or where you decide to throw it.

break this tired flesh
hurt it- discard the rest.

and it doesn't matter
if your stomach's upset
from food or the lack of it.

because you're still upset
you won't eat- and i won't forget.

and it doesn't matter
how heavy this burden is
when i can't feel any of it.

it's a weightless weight
so dense- i can't interpret it.

and i can't believe
that there's hope in anything-
so let's stop pretending.

i broke character for you
when my friends wondered 'what's new with you'
and for once i decided to speak the truth;
a monolith spawned from your broken tooth.
and i couldn't stop screaming 'what's wrong with you'
in the mirror that i stared forever in to.
and i screamed so loud but i couldn't out do
that sentence that she said to you-
'you're so subdued.'
---------------------
break this tired flesh.
hurt it- discard the rest.
because you're still upset;
you won't eat- and i won't forget.
it's a weightless weight-
so dense- i'll never be able to carry it.



Wednesday, October 17, 2012

last night something bit me

i put my head on a pillow last night and i couldn't sleep. i kept my eyes closed. i kept them closed forever and i never fell asleep. when i opened my eyes in the morning, part of my thumb was missing. whats eating me when i sleep?

i noticed in the shower. i thought it was dead skin, but it was alive, and it clung to me. i ripped it off and there was blood. there's still blood. as i type this i can see the dent and i can run my finger on it and i can feel the chasm burn. i rub again. i rub again. i rub again. whats eating me when i sleep?

i tried to rinse it out and the red wouldn't leave. it just stayed there like a stained glass painting of moderate discomfort. when i try to remove the red, that's when it hurts the most. it's eating me while i'm awake.

and i write this in my bed and i wonder if i sleep will i wake up missing more of me. what's eating me while i sleep.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

that one thing you probably won't read

these four walls are shifting
as though i'm drifting
through a constant dream state

and though it's only thinking
i can't stop believing
that this was fate.

i outstretched my arms forever,
into the winter weather,
hoping that it would take me.

but my arms are getting tired
and they're stringing down like wires
those falling arms are all i see.

and it makes me really think
 the sole thing that makes me sink
is of my own creation.

and that my arms are falling down
because i only dress them with a frown;
clearly they'd be numb.

and i'd ask for a helping hand
but my arms are frozen strands
without a firm grasp.

 ...the only thing that keeps me
from ending my entire being
is my rampant imagination.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Winter

Winter

I missed winter;
Modesty looks good on you.
I'd like to shiver,
But I'm warm in my snow shoes.

When we're dressed warm,
So many layers,
I can't even feel
A part of your skin.

We could take off
Most of our clothes,
But we both know
We don't like the cold.

Our biggest fear
Was ice on the ground.
We don't want to slip and fall-
Throw some salt down.

I think we forgot
How we loved to slide.
Let's try and make this one
Sodium free.

Oh, I missed winter;
Modesty looks good on you.
Avoid the shiver-
Walk in my snow shoes.

I missed winter;
Modesty looks good on you.
Swim through frozen rivers
Like ice cream for dinner.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

The Doctors Said;

And it's time
To realize
She won't last the night.

For her,
Life is a fish
Out of water.

We've all been
Knocking on wood.

But visiting hours
Are over for good.

Sunday, September 30, 2012

In Retrospect;

We're naked because of the heat;
There's sweat pooling under our feet.
I'm drowning with flames on my back,
as my memory starts to attack.

I'm afraid. I'm afraid. I'm afraid. I'm afraid.

That beeping is still in my ear.
As blankets are shed like a tear.
They're saying, "we wish you were here."
I'm sorry that she disappeared.

I'm afraid. I'm afraid. I'm afraid. I'm afraid.

And a prayer or a service
Will never cement
The cracks in the road
Of this highway lament.

And the hills that we fell through
Sang songs about you.
That sounded like buzzing
With words that weren't true.

"She's okay. She's okay. She's okay. She's okay."

I'm afraid. I'm afraid. I'm afraid. I'm afraid.

"She's okay." I'm afraid. "She's okay." I'm afraid.

She's afraid. I'm afraid. No one's safe. No one's safe.

Monday, September 24, 2012

Bottom-Ash

Bottom-Ash

Lately I've been lighting matches to watch them burn.
Tossing the brightened flint, into a dead aunt's urn.
And the ash and smoke tango - it's a salsa dance.
As the pages turn, I can't differentiate the ash.

I run my hands through the sand
And the pebbles grasp me yelling and,
I can't help what I feel
As I lay with the land.

Now my fingers, grey
She's yelling at me to stay-
But I can't figure out the clasps
On her lingerie.

I run my hands through the sand
And the pebbles grasp me yelling,
"What's your deal,
What do you feel?"

And I'm dead leaves
clinging to a tree
that wants nothing
to do with me.

And I don't know if the cold's what makes me shutter and
I don't know if I can hide it from my mother and
I don't know if I will ever fix this stutter and
I don't know if I'll be able to ever love again.

I run my hands through the sand
And the pebbles grasp me yelling and
I can't make out a single word they're saying.

-----

So I use my hands to remove the sand,
And the pebbles blow away in the wind and
Fly up into the sky and it begins
To rain from my face, for the first time in years
This drought has ended, through an aqua veneer

And the sand on my hands,
Washed away
The pebbles rinsed into the earth,
Where they should stay.

But still,
I don't think I'll ever love again.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

again again a g a i n

a gain a g a i n a g ain aga in a ga i n

a gai n a gain again agaiiiiinnn

qa g a ii nn


a gain a g a i n n n n n n n an a gin a
a gianin aa gainina
agina

always

agaiiinnn
the same

a ggaiininn again a ga i nn.////

gain ainag no gain forever a ll aw aysss
as g a ii nnn


aginin ././akel;g aign

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Flip - Phones

Flip-Phones

      I    cleaned   my  room   for  the first   time  in weeks
And  I  found  my   old     cell  phone   between    some  sheets
   I couldn't  imagine  what  I'd  find    on  there.
    I    don't    reall y   care.

     I   dusted  off      the charger  still   plugged   into    the  wall.
   And  I    pushed  in  little   buttons    and my phone began  to stall.
               And  I    opened   up  th e     screen,  a nd  I    looked   at  faded sights
       There   were  photos of   us laughing- photos    blackened   from  the night

         And   there  were   numbers   I     forgotten,
    And         messages  lef t    from   you,
     And  texts    I    never  answered,
        And   songs  I    never    knew.

    And   there  were   millions   of      fucking   needles,
   Piercing  in    my   brain,
    they      were    driving  me insane,
 They     keep    dr  iv i n g     me     insane

    and   I     smashed      the phone    in            the   wall
      and   I  b roke   i t        into      two,
     and  I     realized     that  I    wanted
        nothing  to   do    with    you.

And     birds   f lew  o ut   of    my     chest,
   and     they     soared     u p   in   th e    sky
  and  i   sat heretrying    to  shoot      them
           but the ir    feeat hers    pierce  d  my eyes.

     and  t he      birds    they   flew  away    a nd      t  hey      flew pretty far
    and    I    never   even    care d   and  I   never    even   saw
        where   thosebirds   began   t o   f  ly     t o
and    I'dnever      follow      up

because I broke all of my cellphones

Sunday, April 15, 2012

I Don't Even Like Fish

I Don't Even Like Fish

We sat down by a river.
We threw rocks at little fish.
And she told me she was different,
That things would be okay.

So, I went down to that river,
With an ancient friend of mine.
He told me he was sorry.
He told me not to cry.

Now I'm by the river.
My friends are gone together.
I'm still here throwing rocks.
But the fish are gone forever.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

April 12, 2012

April 12, 2012

These rough nights never end.
With these faces in everything.
I wanted to pretend
that this would work out in the end.

Eyelids fake a truth.
They brought me back to you.
For an hour or two.
Until their grip was removed.

Every day's another horse-
Beaten, broken, battered.
My fists are getting swollen.
"Nothing ever mattered."

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

April 2, 2012

April 2, 2012

It hurts- It never stops.
It's a bleeding pain inside my chest.
It's a flame, burning on and on.

It hurts- when did it start.
I bled right though the bandage.
It wasn't good enough.

It's loud- my mind won't stop.
It yells forever.
While my mouth is sealed.

I thought this train had left.
I thought that all these people,
Would never been seen again.

But they showed up now.
They showed up in their town cars-
From the moon, and up from mars.

Though their faces change.
I could tell by their voices,
That they were still the same.

With their feelings estranged.
I didn't have to squint hard,
To see that their truths had stayed.

And though their names remained,
They were stained as they had blamed,
Through their soulless games.

And I kissed the floor,
The floor that I had missed.
We reminisced.




Sunday, February 26, 2012

When It Ends

When It Ends

They shot a rocket into space.
I jumped right out and burnt my face.
Sent ashes down, with utmost grace,
As glasses clashed, with putrid taste.

I Sprinkled ash down from above-
The strangest way of showing love.
Smearing black, the whitest dove.
And pushing friends - a slighest shove.

Raining down, the lights went out.
And someone screamed and someone shout.
And there you stood upon a car,
Protesting claims towards the stars.

The lights and cities- what a sight,
To paint them black, for just one night.
To hear the words,"It's just not right."
To sing the songs, today, tonight!

With people glued to their chairs,
Somehow they knew their common cares.
They exchanged saddened, wavered stares.
They knew the truth, of what was there.

But in a moment, the Earth began
to spin about, and dance again.
And blow the ash, and shine anew,
As if the ash, had left for you.

And lights, they shined up into space,
And glistened on your gentle face,
That forgot, of my disgrace,
And of my ash, with blackened taste.

And up into the stars you looked,
Northumberland hills were surely shook,
With cracking lips, and tears mistook,
You ripped your flesh once marred to hooks.

You raised your hands up to the sky,
You clenched your fist, and closed your eyes,
Screaming, "I am scared to die!"
You tried so hard to never cry.

I wanted to apologize.
Sometimes, it's okay to cry.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

That One Night

So I had a dream last night where I flew into space. I flew so high and then jumped out of that rocket into the atmosphere, and I just burned up. Then ashes just rained upon everything I knew and loved. Those empires and lights all blindingly bright. It was marvelous to see them all put out. It's a strange day when this busy world suddenly shuts up, and closes it's stupid mouth. It's a strange day when all of those lights go out. It's a strange day when you wish they'd never come back on. But this Earth, with it's spinning tilt- it'll blow those ashes right off of those lights and not before long, everyone will be up again. Running in circles, running through one another. And those lights, those bright lights- they'll blind everyone. And no one will even really notice. ---------------------------------------------------------------------