Tuesday, January 29, 2013

a story: part one of part one


a story.
part one.

A screaming train and a crying gutter makes for an interesting walk home. It’s shitty outside and i like to think there’s a god upstairs crying about his/her/yeah car breaking down or it/he/she/whatever’s lover left or something. It’s a nice sad night. Even though it’s only today and it isn’t yesterday or tomorrow, it feels like forever. Life is really long. My feet are wet – my face is too.

            Sometimes when im walking i like to stare at puddles. It’s a nice world in there. Everything is warped and shaky and it just looks so inviting. Everything pulses with sound of the beating earth. It’s cool. And sometimes, when i walk, i think about jumping into the puddle and falling down into that world but when i do i keep falling and i don’t get to lie on the wobbly earth. Instead, i get to fall into space and watch the pulsing earth float up and evaporate into my head and come out of my eyeballs. Oh, im home.

            The lights are off so i turn them on and suddenly divinity is kind of in my hands i guess. Let there be light. The floor is soaked but i am too so at least i can empathize. The lights are off all over my dwelling. i give up on turning on the lights. Bumping around in the dark is fun until you stub your toe. You can’t stub your toe if you don’t walk so i don’t walk and instead i sit and i don’t move for what feels like a million years and i sit there defeated thinking about the things i don’t want to write down.

            sometimes i like to walk instead of take the bus so i can spare people getting close to me and even though that is probably a lie i still can’t shake the thought

            It’s a weird feeling, in the dark forever. What if i never saw light again. Darkness. Darn. Uh, yeah.

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Wednesday, January 23, 2013

that poem i wrote in a parking lot


my eyes must be obese 
from the lack of sleep
You left me


my heart needs a diet 
low fat 
i try to believe that


maybe a triple bypass 
to avoid this arrest 
or just a deep breath
someone told me that


i want to be upset 
it's hard when you made me
apathetic-  
and yeah

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

a short excerpt from a book i'm working on


i had a dream once where i was choking on bubblegum in the middle of a department store.

i was working and you came in and stared at me with teeth and you ran off.
My boss, that i had never met, told me you were on the floor and that i should go talk to you - considering i was the manager on duty.

But i couldn't hear a word he said and i had to ask him to repeat himself a few times and he got mad and said i could only hear the good things.
i apologized and i went to you crumpled in the aisle of a department store.

But my boss lead me somewhere different
and she was a woman now and she brought me to a bathroom not knowing we knew each other and you were sweaty and gross and you puked in a garbage bag.
i told my boss to leave.

i tried to get you to walk and we did i think because before long we were back in that stupid fucking department store with it's fucking terrible music.

You fell down and i went to help you but you were upset.
You yelled at me saying it was my fault you were like this and i had a hard time believing that.

"you left me"

You didn't believe me so i tried showed you with my words but i was choking on bubblegum that had lost it's flavor
and i went to spit it out but i got some on a little girl's shirt and her sister pulled it off using a plastic bag as a glove
and when i got back you had fainted and dry heaved by a pair of these olive green coloured dress pants that i really wanted to try on.

Two of my lazy friends wanted to help her instead of working and i told them that i was doing it and that they should leave but they kept at it.
They looked concerned but i couldn't buy it.
"fuck off" i said.

and then i grabbed the pants and they were too big and i didn't get a chance to grab another pair that would fit perfectly - i was sure - because you were too busy dry heaving all over them.

fuck you, also i'm sorry.