the fourth wall

and it doesn't matter
how hard you throw your fist
or where you decide to throw it.

break this tired flesh
hurt it- discard the rest.

and it doesn't matter
if your stomach's upset
from food or the lack of it.

because you're still upset
you won't eat- and i won't forget.

and it doesn't matter
how heavy this burden is
when i can't feel any of it.

it's a weightless weight
so dense- i can't interpret it.

and i can't believe
that there's hope in anything-
so let's stop pretending.

i broke character for you
when my friends wondered 'what's new with you'
and for once i decided to speak the truth;
a monolith spawned from your broken tooth.
and i couldn't stop screaming 'what's wrong with you'
in the mirror that i stared forever in to.
and i screamed so loud but i couldn't out do
that sentence that she said to you-
'you're so subdued.'
---------------------
break this tired flesh.
hurt it- discard the rest.
because you're still upset;
you won't eat- and i won't forget.
it's a weightless weight-
so dense- i'll never be able to carry it.

last night something bit me

i put my head on a pillow last night and i couldn't sleep. i kept my eyes closed. i kept them closed forever and i never fell asleep. when i opened my eyes in the morning, part of my thumb was missing. whats eating me when i sleep?

i noticed in the shower. i thought it was dead skin, but it was alive, and it clung to me. i ripped it off and there was blood. there's still blood. as i type this i can see the dent and i can run my finger on it and i can feel the chasm burn. i rub again. i rub again. i rub again. whats eating me when i sleep?

i tried to rinse it out and the red wouldn't leave. it just stayed there like a stained glass painting of moderate discomfort. when i try to remove the red, that's when it hurts the most. it's eating me while i'm awake.

and i write this in my bed and i wonder if i sleep will i wake up missing more of me. what's eating me while i sleep.

that one thing you probably won't read

these four walls are shifting
as though i'm drifting
through a constant dream state

and though it's only thinking
i can't stop believing
that this was fate.

i outstretched my arms forever,
into the winter weather,
hoping that it would take me.

but my arms are getting tired
and they're stringing down like wires
those falling arms are all i see.

and it makes me really think

 the sole thing that makes me sink

is of my own creation.

and that my arms are falling down

because i only dress them with a frown;

clearly they'd be numb.

and i'd ask for a helping hand

but my arms are frozen strands

without a firm grasp.

 ...the only thing that keeps me

from ending my entire being

is my rampant imagination.

Winter

Winter

I missed winter;
Modesty looks good on you.
I'd like to shiver,
But I'm warm in my snow shoes.

When we're dressed warm,
So many layers,
I can't even feel
A part of your skin.

We could take off
Most of our clothes,
But we both know
We don't like the cold.

Our biggest fear
Was ice on the ground.
We don't want to slip and fall-
Throw some salt down.

I think we forgot
How we loved to slide.
Let's try and make this one
Sodium free.

Oh, I missed winter;
Modesty looks good on you.
Avoid the shiver-
Walk in my snow shoes.

I missed winter;
Modesty looks good on you.
Swim through frozen rivers
Like ice cream for dinner.

The Doctors Said;

And it's time
To realize
She won't last the night.

For her,
Life is a fish
Out of water.

We've all been
Knocking on wood.

But visiting hours
Are over for good.